Adventures of a Modern Day, Middle-Aged Hero, on the Glory Road(to family security)


New member of the family.

When I was a teenage boy, I had a dream.

Okay, that's not clear...as a teenage boy, I had lot's of dreams, some of them WAY to disturbing to talk about in polite company.

This particular dream revolved around a pet...I wanted a snake.  Nothing over the top...I wasn't wanting any kind of a boa or a python...I was hoping for a corn snake, or at the most, a king snake. 

Never happened.  My parents were pretty against it, and it's one of the few things they didn't waver on.  I eventually got a rifle for hunting, but there was no snake.  When I was 15 or so, my mom gave in on what was for her a pretty major compromise, and I was allowed to get a leopard gecko...but not a snake.

Teenage boys eventually become men, and sometimes are allowed to make decisions for themselves.  Sometimes.  For me being in the Navy, I never felt settled enough to indulge in a snake, and then, I went and got married, and once again was not allowed to make decisions for myself.

SWMBO did not want a snake.  She also did not want a ferret, which has always been my backup plan.  Instead we had kids.  A room full of snakes and ferret's would have been easier.

I have never really given up, much like I am still a teenage boy inside.  Every time we go to the pet store, I detour by the reptile area. 

Last Thursday, my wife called me at work.  I was in a meeting, and not having a good day...but while it is not unusual to get a text from her at work, a full fledged call is unusual enough that I stepped out of the meeting to take the call. 

SWMBO(sounding cheerful and cute): 'Guess what?'

Me(sounding done with the world): 'Ummmm...really?  Is there something wrong?'

SWMBO: 'Well, one of my friends has a snake.  I think it's a corn snake.  They got it so their kids could watch a snake grow...'

Me(after letting her go on about her friends snake for about 1 minute): 'Ummmm...that sounds really neat for your friend.  Is everything all right?'

SWMBO(cheerful and hoping for a big reaction): 'Well, her kids are kind of bored of it, and she is giving it away, with a 4 foot tank, for free.  I told her we would take it.'

Me(distracted by 17 other things, none of which should have been more important than what my wife had to say): 'Say, that's great.  If nothing's wrong, I'm gonna head back into my meeting'.

Yeah...sometimes I'm an ass.  One of the few things I have had a consistent jonesing for for over 20 years, and when my wife says not only can I finally get one, SHE HAS ALREADY LINED IT UP BECAUSE SHE IS THE WORLD'S COOLEST WOMAN, I don't even say thank you.


Anyway, this evening we went to her friends house, and picked up Gloria.

According to her previous owner, she is about 4 years old, and at least 3.5 feet long.  She eats frozen(well, thawed and thoroughly warmed) mice, and appeared very docile(or at least stunned) when handled.  She is in her cage now, and we will let her settle in another day or so before doing much more handling or feeding.  The girls are very excited(almost too excited) and I have a bet with my wife that the younger one will loose T.V. privileges at least 3 times in the next two months for snake related infractions.  

Yes...I finally also said thank you to my wife...


  1. Too Cool! I always wanted one too!

  2. I miss having snakes.  Think our highest number was 4 or 5.