Adventures of a Modern Day, Middle-Aged Hero, on the Glory Road(to family security)



Last night, I settled in for an 'old school' style movie with my wife.  We broke out the air popper(very old school) to make some popcorn, and dialed up The Expendables on Netflix(not quite so old school).

My initial impression of the movie is very...Meh.  I just couldn't stop staring at the ravaged ruins that used to be Sly Stalone's and Dolph Lundgren's faces to get very into the story.  Holy crap, I will never complain about the effect father time is having on me...those two guys look BEAT. 

The story...Sly leads a group of mercenaries to go do things for money, until he falls for a little for a girl, in which case things get personal...OH MY GOD...Micky Rourke looks worse than Sly and Dolph!!!!!!!

Okay...the story really doesn't matter...it's just an excuse for Sly, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Randy Coture, and Terry Crews to shoot things, stab things, blow things up, and break some bones too.  For those purposes, it wasn't a totally horrible movie.  Quiet entertaining.  Statham and Jet Li kick the best butt...Stalone...I'm amazed the guy can walk without a limp or see out of his puffed up face.  Sad.  Randy Coture and Steve Austin(as a bad guy) are funny...dig seeing people in movie fights using body slams, pile drivers and reverse leg locks on each other. 

Yeah...lots of shooting(they actually run out of full magazines at one point!) lots of explosions, lots of throwing knives and then stabbing people with them. 

One part of the movie that sticks out in my mind is when Terry Crews fires up his magazine fed full-auto 12ga.  It's impressive(especially with exploding slugs).  My wife asked 'what the hell is that', and it's a sign of how cool my wife is that I was able to say 'that's a full auto shotgun, just like Owen uses in Monster Hunter'...and she knew what I was talking about.

She seemed a little bummed when I told her we really couldn't get one...but, now I might be one step closer to having permission to pick up a Saiga 12ga...

I'll give the movie a 6.5 out of 10...enjoyable, but...glad I didn't pay to see it at the theaters. 

1 comment:

  1. Hmmm. Thanks for the review. Might be worth the watch.