Adventures of a Modern Day, Middle-Aged Hero, on the Glory Road(to family security)


And just how long can one BE drunk?

Funny little story(it's funny because no one actually died) about a man in Malone, New York, who wanted his ex-girlfriend dead.  He wanted her dead SO bad, that he was willing to pay one of his friends $15,000 kill her in a car accident.  Of course, if the car accident didn't kill, her, he wanted to make sure the guy finished the job by cutting her throat with a piece of broken glass to finish the job.  He even gave him a $500 down payment. 

Luckily, the guy didn't need $15,000 that bad, so he got together with the police to nail one Mr. Clyde Gardner.  Hollywood always makes it look like you can get rich being a hit man, but I'm not sure I would want to have to kill 4 or 5 people a year...of course, I guess that $15,000 is tax free.

Now, what makes this whole thing funny is that the staged car accident was Gardner's 2nd idea.  His FIRST Idea had been to kill a bear, then using the bear skin as a disguise(even wearing the feet to cover his foot tracks) he was going to maul his ex-girlfriend one night while she was taking out the trash.  With the recent increase in bear attacks, this might have worked PERFECTLY.  The only real justice would have been if some hunter had shot him while he was running around in his bear disguise. 

When he was arrested by the police, his excuse had been that he was drunk, and when he sobered up he was going to call things up.  The story doesn't say whether he was drunk during the bear skin idea, OR the 'car accident, cut her throat with safety glass' idea.

My guess is that the answer is 'Yes'.  Dude in upstate New York needs to lay off the 30-pack cubes of Genesee Cream Ale. and splurge for some Labatt's or even better some Yuengling...come up with better ideas that way. 

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