Adventures of a Modern Day, Middle-Aged Hero, on the Glory Road(to family security)


I was wrong...I'm not ready yet.

As a father of two girls, I have been well aware that at some point, I am going to need to have conversations of an...'uncomfortable nature' with my girls at some point.  My older daughter is 9 now, and has been forced to wear 'undershirts' for about 9 months now, so I have known that time is drawing nigh. 

I didn't think it would happen quite so soon, or such a strange topic would be to blame, though.

Recently, my daughter discovered an Animal Planet show on netflix called Weird, True and Freaky.  While dinosaurs are her specialty, animals of all sorts fascinate her, which I am very proud of.  This show is a little out there though...it's a countdown show with a different topic on each episode...most poisonous snake, biggest animals of a species, Mutants(that one freaked me out...2 headed snakes, three eyed pigs), and today episode...Bizarre Births.

So.  I was doing fine while it was talking about Sea Horses, cuckoo birds, and the toad that grinds it's eggs into the back of the female(Surinam Toad). 

Strangely, it was the hyenas that got me in trouble.  I mean...it's a dog...how could that be a freaky birth? 

Well...since you asked, it seems that hyenas don't have vagina's.  They deliver their baby's through their engorged 7-inch clitoris. 

HORROR.  They must have used the word clitoris about 5 times, before comparing it in size to the penis of the species.  Within a 30-second period, daddy was trying to address the vagina, the penis, AND the clitoris. 

I did a better job last week when she asked me how turning the steering wheel makes the tires pivot.  Then, I just had to explain the difference between power steering and rack-and-pinion steering.(she got the concept behind rack and pinion much more clearly)

I tried coping out.  'Why honey, those are just fancy terms for the male and female external sexual organs.' 

She didn't find that answer acceptable, so, I'm not proud of this, but I punted.  My wife has headed out shopping for a bit, so I told my daughter to ask her in the morning. 

Now I just need to decide if I am going to warn her that the question might be coming...

1 comment:

  1. Be careful not to project. I'd search out some anatomy drawings on the net, and show her the reproductive system as if it were the digestive system. Focusing on other species is a great way to do this. "Clitoris" (first time I've ever typed that word, if you can do it, so can I) has emotional baggage for YOU, but not yet for her. On the other hand, since they're girls, it's probably not a bad idea to have Mom handle most of it...