Carpe Diem means Seize the Day. That is also what is meant by Dum Vivimus, Vivamus: While we Live, Let us Live.
My goal in using that term to name this blog was to remind myself that one of the reasons I was quitting my job in the shipyard, and taking this job at Hanford was to have more free time to live my life with my family.
Today I have not been living up to that expectation.
First of all, I am not with my family. It's a middle of a pay period weekend for me, meaning no Friday off. It doesn't make sense, from either financial standpoint or a safety standpoint given the rapidly changing pass conditions in December for me to drive to Belfair to see them on a normal weekend...I would get in late Friday night(maybe Saturday morning depending on the weather), and have to head back out 36-hours later to make it back to the Tri-Cities.
This should be the last weekend I have to put up with that. Next weekend is a Friday off, so I am heading to Belfair, and the following Wednesday, movers are packing our stuff, and the wife and kids will be here shortly thereafter. YAY!!!! Of course no one has looked at the house yet, but sooner or later it will sell. Or else.
From a motivation stand point, I have not had much reason to leave my apartment. I have completed my Christmas shopping, we have settled on an apartment, SWMBO won't let me have a girl friend...any other reason I could come up with to leave the apartment would just end up costing unnecessary money. If it was summer time, I could always go to the park or mall and watch pretty girls walk around. Not many pretty girls walking around with it being 29 degrees. A few weekends ago, looking down the barrel of a similar weekend with nothing to do, I jumped in the truck, drove down to the Blue Mountains, found a neat brew pub/used book store, and had a nice day.
BUT...the lunch, beer and gas for that day probably totaled $80. Not a huge sum of money, but...more than I feel comfortable spending to entertain myself on a weekend day with the an impending move AND the fact that come January I am going to have to pay mortgage for a house that doesn't seem like it will sell fast, AND rent for an apartment here. I'm trying to avoid spending unnecessary money until we have had a few months of living with both the mortgage and the rent to actually see how the finances will work.
I was not a total hermit Saturday...my boss was hosting a Christmas/Bunko party, so I went and enjoyed myself. First time playing Bunko...it's a neat fast movie dice game. When my my wife moves over, I am sure she will enjoy it. Had a beer or two or 6(Michelob Amber Bock...I dig it) and some of the best backed beans I have ever had...about three different kids of beans, some bacon, some ground venison...getting the recipe has become one of the top missions in my life.
Today I approached hermit like behavior. In fact, if I had not been in danger of running out of toilet paper, I might not have left my apartment at all. But I did need to get toilet paper, so I did head out into the chilly day. And then I got back to my apartment, and had myself a nice little pity party.
Early in the afternoon, SWMBO called. She had planned to take my two daughters to go see the new movie 'Tangled' this weekend. Unfortunately, our younger daughters behavior was not up to the level where she deserved a treat like that.
It is amazing how dissimilar to children can be. Early on we discovered that out younger daughter had WAY more of a sneaky/mischievous streak to her than our older daughter. The type of girl who would get into the bathroom and cover herself in Vaseline, then hope her pretty blue eyes save her from death and destruction. Or get into the pantry, and hide a handful of granola bars in her room for emergencies.
Today she came down from her bedroom and her face was covered with her mom's favorite lipstick. And then when she was asked what was on her face, she lied of course, and said 'Nothing'. So...my wife canceled the trip to the movie. Younger daughter didn't deserve it, and there was no way she could just bring the older one without me there to help out.
It wasn't my wife's intent to make me feel bad about not being there, but about half an hour after talking, it began to set in that over the last year, I have been working away from my family for almost 10 months. The last two months I have at least been able to run home on long weekends, but...I feel I have been a pretty substandard dad and husband the last year. Oh...hopefully once the wife and kids are here, things will begin to tilt the other direction, and they begin to get sick of me. Today though, it was hitting me hard. It lead to me questioning the whole move, as I have done several times since starting this job.
The biggest question in my mind all along has been if taking this new job to make MY life easier was worth dragging the rest of the family though the ringer. The girls know we are moving. For a while my younger daughters sneaky ways were fading...now they are getting worse...is the stress of the impending move causing that? Is that fair of me?
Anyway...tomorrow is Monday...Patriots vs. Jets to look forward to. College Bowl Match ups are coming out, and I have Dave Letterman Top 10 lists to watch on Youtube.