I'm not the easiest dad in the world to do Fathers Day for. I can't lay in bed waiting for a cup of coffee and toast. I would rather buy an In Bag Beef Tenderloin and break it down myself than have my wife try to figure out dinner. I'd rather unload the dishwasher and fold laundry than camp on the couch watching the U.S. Open. I do like hugs though.
My dad was not a bad guy, or even a bad dad...but early on I decided I did not want to follow exactly in his footsteps. His way of doing things(often substituting gifts for time) is not how I wanted to do things, even though for a while the amount of OT I was working at my previous job was leading me down that path.
It wasn't all his fault...as I got older, we developed different interests. He is a golfer who couldn't understand my interest in hunting, and shooting, but despite that, he did get together with my hunting uncle from Texas and bought me a rifle.
I think he learned a lot of his 'how to' from his dad, and times were different. Dad's payed the bills, and wanted to be left alone. Me? I'm a product of what Tom Lycos would call an increasingly 'vaginized society'....and I don't think it is all bad. I mean...a dad should be able to do manly 'dad' things with their kids while still emotionally connecting with them.
The big one for me is telling my girls how proud of them I am. For the life of me, I can not remember the last time those actual words came out of my Fathers mouth. I don't think he is not proud of me...it has just not crossed his mind to say it.
I don't want my daughters to ever have to wait for me to say those words.
The only difference between golfing and target shooting is that there's no Par in shooting. And it's louder.
ReplyDeleteBefore the Industrial Revolution, dad's did plenty of manly 'dad' things with their children while still emotionally connecting with them - and not just with their sons. The father's opportunity for emotional connection with his children was reduced a loooong time ago, but the desire for it is innate. Most modern wives/mothers no longer know how to nurture that connection, and don't even realize the extent to which it has been compromised, by both society and more recently by feminism.
ReplyDeleteI have a pretty low opinion of feminism, but it would be intellectually dishonest to assume that feminism has conditioned you to want a close emotional relationship with your children. Sorry for the ramble...